There will certainly be a time in our sons life where he will think he is cooler than us and rebel against the way we chose to raise him. He will be on his way to becoming a Jedi of his own. In an attempt to limit the damage to his ego and curb his embarrassment when he realizes he is, and will always be, less cool than his parents, I will attempt now to predict the ways in which he will play in opposition to our interests. This way, how can it be his revolution if I called it first?
Note, on this day in 2013, I predicted he would go through these phases and also predicted they won’t last long.
-Dad. I’m really digging this new band. Actually… The whole genre. I’m really into Christian Rock now.
-Dad. I like wearing white tank tops because they really show off my gold chains.
-Dad. I know you like watching Seinfeld but that show is thirty years old. Can I please turn on Sports Center?
-Dad. I can’t believe you were around when The Fast and Furious movies had their theatrical debut and you didn’t go see any on the big screen.
-Dad. Can we get something really messy for dinner tonight? Like really wet barbque ribs? I really like finger licking food now.
-Dad. I don’t need to know what their voting record is or what their values are… They are Republican and that is all I need to know.
-Dad. It was just a few beers. I really like the taste of High Life.
-Dad. I don’t know what your problem is. Everyone jaywalks.
-Dad. I thought you’d like the lights under my car. It’s retro. Like the cool kids did to their cars back in your day.
-Dad. It clearly says we have the right to bear arms.
-Dad. Sometimes (Unintelligible sound of talking with a mouth full) you and mom (unintelligible sound of talking with a mouth full) that first year. (Said while talking with a mouth full.)
-Dad. I think I just read my last book. I’ve pretty much learned all that I need to know.
-Dad. We’ve had this conversation before… Pink Floyd sucks.
-Dad. I don’t have a problem with it. If I’m not doing anything wrong I have nothing to hide from the Government.
-Dad. I really hate video games… And Star Wars… And airplanes.